10 reasons why I'll never be mother of the year

One of the first blogs I stumbled across not written by someone I actually know is Helene's. Her blog, I'm Living Proof that God has a Sense of Humor is a great! I could sit here trying to come up with some really awesome adjectives to describe it but, really, I have so much to do today I can barely type without backspacing every few characters because hand-mind coordination isn't up to par. But check it out, she is a StayAtHomeMom to 2 sets of twins. WOW!!!

Her most recent post prompted me to steal borrow her topic. Her's are the ones in bold.

1)  I lie to my kids. ~ Naturally, but I am such a horrible liar they are the only ones who are gullible trusting enough to believe me.

2)  I encourage them to give one another wedgies.  ~ I don't do this but if one wrongs/harms another I will allow the harmed one to exact revenge.

3)  I curse like a sailor.  ~Anyone who knows me knows I do. To the point where no one but my own mother even notices.

4)  I spend approximately 138 minutes of my day fantasizing that I'm on the beach in Hawaii all by my lonesome. Or, I head to the back room to "do laundry" when actually I am heading out the back door for some peace and quiet without having to take the kids outside with me.

5)  The reason I carry a first aid kit with me at all times, honestly, is because I don't care to listen to my kids cry endlessly about needing a band-aid on a scrape the size of a period or that they can't swim in the pool because of a tiny sliver of nail that's come partially loose.  ~ I actually HATE bandaids, except the fabric-y kinds. And I usually tell the kids to suck it up (also why I never finished nursing)

6)  I'm not exactly a model of class or grace and I'm not above yelling, "What are YOU staring at?" to complete strangers who rudely ogle me while my kids have a tantrum in a store. I couldn't have come up with a better description myself.

7)  If I need a moment of peace and quiet, I'll let them watch something completely age-inappropriate on the television.  Or play the Wii for hours on end.  ~ My kids have/can/do watch The Simpsons and Family Guy. And they have DSi's.

8)   I yell. ~ When we moved here my neighbour warned me that the lady across the road could yell a mean one to her stepson, that I'd hear it from my house with windows closed. I'm pretty sure my voice carried further than that.

 9)  I scare my kids shitless to get them to follow simple directions.  ~ Yup. And guilt them. It's not enough to tell them they could get hit by a car, I let them know how it would hurt ME if they got hurt. Cuz they never want Mommy to be upset (obviously works better when they're younger and haven't learned to hate me yet)

10)   I have no problem with my kids eating food off the floor. ~  I just have to check it first for dog hair LOL.

Do all y'all relate to any of these too?