10 Things I love!

10 Things I love!

There are always rules...
1. State who tagged you.  Ashley from The Johnstons. Check her out cuz she might be crazy cute and we luv her!!!

2. State 10 things you love.

1~ I'd better start with the fam....there's me and Rob along with our daughter Cassandra and our 3 monsters, Ryan, Cohen and Ashton.

2~Cadbury cream eggs...I used to be disgusted by them but was tempted by one early on in my most recent pregnancy and the addiction has stuck with me....

3~Crafting - well not so much crafting as "creating". I love making all the accessories I do for Cassabella Creations, which is why I do it.....

4~ Shopping - but more specifically getting great deals. Anyone can "shop" but it takes a certain talent, I think, to shop well...

5~Being pregnant - which could explain why I'm willing to do it again...and again...and again...I do love the little ankle-biters as they grow too!

6~Tori & Dean - they are sooo adorable! I am a very happy mama when they air a Tori & Dean marathon....

7~my house - yes, this one...why? Because it's got character and history and it just feels like home. Over the years we have rented many houses and this is the 4th one we've owned (we still own another as well) and this one just fits us. 

8~TV - but not just any crap...I love NCIS, House and Bones as well as One Tree Hill, Vampire Diaries and Phinneus and Ferb....

9~A good book - or even better a good series....

10~ Cats - I am totally a cat person just not the crazy cat lady...although we only have 2 dogs I would trade them both for a cat! I adore our dogs (most days) but cats are just more superior.

April Fool's Day

April 1st, 2011 has been the worst April Fool's Day EVER!!! The meanest trick ever played on me and it was by my own body. This past Thursday, at 8.5 weeks pregnant I started spotting which never happened to me in my 4 previous pregnancies.  Add to the spotting some cramping throughout the day. Thursday evening I went to the hospital where they performed 2 different ultrasounds and a blood test to measure my hcg levels. During the ultrasounds the Dr. couldn't find a heartbeat but said that didn't necessarily mean anything since it was still early in the pregnancy and the ultrasound image was not very good. I had to return for a follow up blood test Friday.
Friday morning, April Fool's Day, I awoke to no more bleeding or cramping. I was so relieved. I put off returning to the hospital as I had an unexpected visit from Rob's sister. Soon afterwards I found out the bleeding had started again. Mild cramping followed. I returned to the hospital for the 2nd blood test. When teh results came back the Dr was very positive. She indicated the levels had risen accordingly for my stage of pregnancy and everything looked good. I was told to return Monday morning for a follow up blood test and ultrasound.
On my way out I bumped into a friend who reassured me that this had happened to her and she went on to have a healthy baby.  I was starting to feel good again and not as worried.
I fell asleep pretty early putting Ashton to bed but awoke around midnight. I won't get all TMI here but suffice to say at this point I lost the baby.
I was/am devastated. You never really know the feeling of the loss until you experience it yourself. Even though I was "only" 8.5 weeks along it is still so traumatic. The thought of losing this tiny lifeform that was a part of me brings me to tears even now as I type this. The loss of the baby that will never be. Who I will never hold or cuddle.....

I have to say though that I have a great husband who is very understanding and caring and knows just what to say and do to make me feel better. He knows when to just listen to me and when I just need a hug. He even knows that if I stop talking in the middle of a random conversation it's because I'm trying not to cry. Which I have been doing a lot of. I can't describe the feeling. There really aren't words for it. And honestly, I don't think you can ever really sypathize, empathize or understand unless you've experienced it and it's not a feeling I would wish for anyone.

So, this was my April 1st. Not a day I'll be taking much pleasure in again, I'm sure.